When stress builds up, it can leave your body feeling tense, restless, and unable to fully relax.
This can be a sign your nervous system is overactivated.
In this article, we’ll explore simple ways to calm your nervous system and support a greater sense of ease, with the help of psychotherapist Owen O’Kane.
What is fight or flight
Fight or flight is your body’s natural response to perceived danger. When your brain senses a threat – real or imagined – your body prepares to act.
This can involve:
- A faster heart rate
- Rapid breathing
- Muscle tension
- Heightened alertness
It’s designed to protect you. But the challenge is that your nervous system doesn’t always distinguish between actual danger and anxious thoughts. So even everyday stress can trigger the same response.
Why your nervous system feels stuck
If you often feel on edge, overwhelmed, or unable to relax, it may be because your system is spending too much time in this activated state. Owen O’Kane explains that anxiety often begins in the body, not the mind:
“The body is typically where anxiety will manifest itself first. Think about the times you have been anxious. How have you felt physically? Where do you feel anxiety in your body? Do you feel it in your chest or your stomach? Does your throat tighten as though you were choking? Do you get a headache or a backache? Maybe you feel discomfort all over. Wherever it manifests, this is your anxious-self letting you know it is present.”
You might notice:
- A constant sense of tension
- Restlessness or difficulty sitting still
- Feeling “wired” but tired
- A lingering sense that something isn’t right
Over time, this can become your baseline – making it harder to switch off.
How to regulate your nervous system
Learning how to regulate your nervous system isn’t about shutting anxiety down. It’s about helping your body feel safe enough to settle. Here are practical ways to begin.
1. Recognise when you’re in fight or flight
The first step is noticing. Before you can calm your nervous system, you need to recognise when it’s activated. Ask yourself:
- What’s happening in my body right now?
- Am I tense, restless, or on edge?
This awareness creates a pause between reaction and response.
2. Shift your focus from thoughts to the body
When you’re anxious, your mind tends to speed up. But calming your nervous system happens through the body.
Owen emphasises the importance of tuning into physical sensations. “If we ignore the physical symptoms of anxiety,” he says, “they may build up in the body” over time.
Instead of following anxious thoughts, try:
- Noticing your breath
- Feeling your feet on the ground
- Paying attention to your surroundings
This helps bring you out of your head and back into the present moment.
3. Slow things down
Stress and anxiety create urgency – everything feels immediate and important. Your nervous system responds to pace, so slowing your breathing, your movements, or even your speech can send a signal to your body that you are safe.
Small and gentle shifts here are enough.
4. Allow the feeling instead of resisting it
One idea Owen explores in his course is this: Trying to get rid of anxiety can keep you stuck in it.
When you resist or fight how you feel, you add another layer of tension. Instead, Owen encourages allowing any anxiety to just be there – without judgement. This reduces the internal struggle, which in turn helps the nervous system settle.
“Sometimes I think of it as a toddler trying to get your attention,” says Owen. “A toddler will grab your face or coat, or pull on your hair, or jump up and down and scream. The anxious-self acts in much the same way on our thoughts. It can be annoying, but – just like the toddler – it probably needs your attention for a reason.”
5. Interrupt the stress cycle early
Like worry, stress builds momentum. The earlier you notice the signs, the easier it is to respond – which is why awareness is so important.
Even a small pause here can stop the cycle from escalating.
6. Create moments of safety in your day
Your nervous system is constantly scanning for signals. Small, intentional moments can help re-balance it:
- Taking a short walk without distractions
- Sitting quietly for a few minutes
- Stepping away from constant input (your phone, laptop or even the news)
Even brief pauses can support anxiety relief when done consistently.
7. Reduce pressure on yourself
A common pattern in anxiety is the need to ‘fix’ how you feel. But this often creates more stress.
Owen emphasises that anxiety is part of being human – not something to eliminate completely.
When you stop demanding that you feel calm all the time, your nervous system has more space to regulate naturally.
Quick answer: how to calm your nervous system
If you’re feeling stressed or anxious, calming your nervous system starts with awareness and gentle regulation – not force.
From Owen O’Kane’s A Life Less Anxious, key ways to regulate your nervous system include:
· Recognising when you’re in fight or flight
· Noticing physical signs of stress early
· Slowing your breathing and attention
· Grounding yourself in the present moment
· Reducing the pressure to “fix” how you feel
These approaches can support anxiety relief and help you feel more steady over time.
How to get out of fight or flight
If you feel stuck in fight or flight, the goal isn’t to force yourself out of it. Instead, focus on gently signalling safety to your body:
- Notice what’s happening
- Ground yourself in the present
- Slow your pace
- Let the feeling pass
Your body is designed to return to balance – it just needs the right conditions.
Stress, anxiety and your nervous system
Stress and anxiety are closely linked to how your nervous system reacts. When stress builds over time, your system becomes more sensitive – meaning smaller triggers can create bigger reactions.
That’s why learning to regulate your nervous system is such an important part of managing anxiety.
It’s not about avoiding stress entirely. It’s about changing how your body responds to it.
Your nervous system isn’t working against you. It’s actually trying to protect you, Owen explains, even when it feels uncomfortable.
If you want to learn more from Owen O’Kane, explore his course A Life Less Anxious, where across 22 lessons, you’ll develop a deeper understanding of anxiety, with practical tools to help feel calmer and more in control.
