Do you ever find yourself at a party, dreaming of being on your sofa watching a good movie? If so, you could benefit from trying a bit of “JOMO” in your life.
Sometimes, deciding not to do something can be much more rewarding than actually doing it. We’ll take a look at what happens when we go with the sofa and movie option, and explain what’s meant by “the joy of missing out.”
What is JOMO?
“JOMO” is simply the “joy of missing out.” It’s a strange expression, because it seems like it’s being defined by what isn’t happening, rather than what is. We’ll turn that idea around in this article, and explain why not doing something is actually a conscious and positive decision.
FOMO vs JOMO
The easiest way to explain JOMO is in relation to its better-known and more anxious sibling, FOMO. This “fear of missing out” is the worry that our lives are less fulfilling than those of others. Everyone else seems to be having a better life and more fun experiences, leading to feelings of anxiety and inadequacy.
The “joy of missing out” is about consciously accepting our lives and feeling content with what we have. You can turn down a party in favour of a good book, box set or bath, and have a much better evening for it. Experiencing JOMO doesn’t mean you have no social life – it’s about being selective with how you choose to spend your time.
On the face of it, the person at the festival or the party seems to be the most confident. However, it can be an act of true self-awareness (and borderline rebellion) to decide not to follow the herd and turn down an invitation. Try taking away the pressure to conform to certain social activities, and see how much calmer you feel.
How to turn FOMO into JOMO
To move from a state of FOMO to a state of JOMO, you need to switch your focus from comparing yourself with others to finding your own contentment. Here are a few simple measures you can take to begin to move towards a more fulfilling life, free from social pressures and unhelpful comparisons.
Switch off social media
While social media isn’t entirely to blame for feelings of FOMO, it certainly hasn’t helped! Even though deep down we all appreciate that a friend’s Facebook or Insta page is a heavily edited version of their lives, we can still struggle with our feelings when we see their perfect kitchen, fabulous holiday or glamorous social life. The answer is simple: spend less time on social media.
Completely unplugging is an unrealistic target, so begin by being aware of your social scrolling habits and then trying to cut down on your daily use. What’s your typical time of day for browsing? Put your phone away for that period. When your confidence with JOMO increases, you’ll find you develop a much more clear-sighted view of others’ social statuses. With fewer digital distractions, you’ll find you have a lot more time for fulfilling activities.
Start saying “no”
If you look at your diary or calendar and there’s very little blank space left, it’s time to set a few boundaries. Busyness can be seen as the gold standard of both work and social time; however, the key to successful diary management is how you manage the blank spaces. You do this by learning when to say “no”.
While there will always be things like meetings and family commitments that have to go ahead, take a critical look at your diary. Did you really need to commit to everything on there? Look at a few things you have booked in, either work, social or family-related, and ask yourself:
- Are you saying yes out of a sense of obligation?
- Are you saying yes because you’d feel guilty if you say no?
- Are you saying yes to please someone else?
- Are you saying yes from feelings of FOMO?
- Can it be done by someone else?
- Do you actually have time to fit this activity in?
- Will saying yes cause you stress?
- Will saying yes make you happy?
- Would saying no make you happier?
While we’re not suggesting that you start leading a purely selfish existence, if you’re feeling pressured to over-commit, you simply won’t be as happy – or as productive. Just decide which activities you need or want to do, and preserve those blank spaces.
Commit to decisions
Once you decide to stay in and not go to that get-together, stick with that decision. Do what writer and time management expert Oliver Burkman describes as “settling”, which is accepting your decision and embracing where it leads you. He links the joy of missing out with confident decision making, because once you have made a choice, you can stop tormenting yourself with “what ifs”. So, relax in that bath, stop wondering what the others are doing – and be in the moment.
Be in the moment
A clear way to turn FOMO into JOMO is to enjoy the moment. Rather than focusing on some future event or worrying about what everyone else might be up to, embrace what you’re doing in the present. If you decide to stay home and read a book, don’t waste this lovely evening by thinking about what you might be missing.
Take time for a hobby
A good way to live in the moment is to take up a new hobby. Oliver Burkeman recommends finding a hobby that you do simply because you love it, not because it leads towards some future goal or impresses others. He cites the example of rockstar Rod Stewart, who is a model railway enthusiast. This hobby does nothing to advance his career or image – it just makes him happy. This is JOMO at its most confident.
Finding your JOMO balance
The benefits of JOMO are clear: you can feel happier, more content and less anxious by deciding not to do things rather than by passively taking part. However, can the JOMO approach sometimes be less-than-helpful? Be aware that while self-care and downtime are valuable, we also need to leave our comfort zones sometimes. A life with no challenges can be equally as unsatisfying as an over-committed or superficially social one.
As with so many aspects of our lives, it’s about finding the balance that works for us. A real benefit of trying a JOMO approach is that you’ll learn what does and what doesn’t matter to you.
Find out more from writer Oliver Burkeman in his BBC Maestro course about Time Management. He takes a closer look at our relationship with time management, and discusses how we can change our focus for a more fulfilling approach.
